Friday, December 16, 2011

It's OK, I'm OK.

I find myself repeating this mantra a lot lately.
My life is busy, sometimes chaotic. I deal with depression on a daily basis, I don't know if depression is a result of some things that happened to me when I was a child, if it's because an imbalance in my brain, or if it's delayed postpartum depress, no matter where it stems from, I know I can't let depression keep me down.
I'm a Mom of 3, I'm a wife,  a friend, a Daughter, Sister and Aunt.
I'm going through a lot of emotional chaos right now.
Am I complaining? I suppose some could view it that way.
I'd like to think that  I'm just  venting.
I live in a rural area, I'm not around any other adults much during the day, so sometimes I guess I do speak without thinking that maybe it could come out as a complaint or frustration.

However, the goods news is that I am aware of this. I'm tired of losing friends and pushing family members away.
I have made a vow to work on myself, my patience, my complaining and just being an overall better person.
It's going well, so far, at least I think so.

Life isn't easy, I don't care who you are. It's never easy.
It is what we make of it and I'm not sure if the upcoming New Year has made me reflect on all these issues I need to work out, or if it's just life in general that has made me contemplate these issues  and made me want to do and be better. What ever the case may be, my children, my husband, family and friends deserve a better "ME". So, I'll give it to them.

Life goes by way too fast and I want to try to enjoy every moment of it that I can. 
When I lost my Mom 16 years ago  in a car accident. I turned to her and I knew in my heart of hearts that she was already gone, but I was hoping that she could somehow be able to hear what I had to say to her. Those words were, "Mom, it's ok. I'm ok." Those were the only words I could force out of my mouth. My mind was spinning but I wanted her to know that her daughter was going to be OK.
So when I find myself in the midst of chaos or when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'll repeat those words as a reminder that everything is going to be just fine. "It's OK. I'm OK".
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