Friday, December 16, 2011

It's OK, I'm OK.

I find myself repeating this mantra a lot lately.
My life is busy, sometimes chaotic. I deal with depression on a daily basis, I don't know if depression is a result of some things that happened to me when I was a child, if it's because an imbalance in my brain, or if it's delayed postpartum depress, no matter where it stems from, I know I can't let depression keep me down.
I'm a Mom of 3, I'm a wife,  a friend, a Daughter, Sister and Aunt.
I'm going through a lot of emotional chaos right now.
Am I complaining? I suppose some could view it that way.
I'd like to think that  I'm just  venting.
I live in a rural area, I'm not around any other adults much during the day, so sometimes I guess I do speak without thinking that maybe it could come out as a complaint or frustration.

However, the goods news is that I am aware of this. I'm tired of losing friends and pushing family members away.
I have made a vow to work on myself, my patience, my complaining and just being an overall better person.
It's going well, so far, at least I think so.

Life isn't easy, I don't care who you are. It's never easy.
It is what we make of it and I'm not sure if the upcoming New Year has made me reflect on all these issues I need to work out, or if it's just life in general that has made me contemplate these issues  and made me want to do and be better. What ever the case may be, my children, my husband, family and friends deserve a better "ME". So, I'll give it to them.

Life goes by way too fast and I want to try to enjoy every moment of it that I can. 
When I lost my Mom 16 years ago  in a car accident. I turned to her and I knew in my heart of hearts that she was already gone, but I was hoping that she could somehow be able to hear what I had to say to her. Those words were, "Mom, it's ok. I'm ok." Those were the only words I could force out of my mouth. My mind was spinning but I wanted her to know that her daughter was going to be OK.
So when I find myself in the midst of chaos or when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'll repeat those words as a reminder that everything is going to be just fine. "It's OK. I'm OK".


  1. Hey Jae :)

    I read a few of your posts. I think you're doing ok. I think that your mom knew you'd do ok too.

    Mom, wife, friend - slow down and enjoy the ride. It really can be a whole lotta fun ;)

    1. I appreciate your kind words. Yes, life is a ride to be enjoyed and not endured. :)

  2. I don't know u at all and I was reading this and it made me cry it makes so much sense to me in more ways then one I am thinking and saying to myself "Its ok.I am ok" these little words have so much meaning and I didn't realize that until know so thank u for shareing this cuz alot of us feel this way and u have made me feel that" its ok I am ok"

    1. Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.
      Those words do have a lot of meaning, sometimes we all need reassurance that everything is going to be "OK".

  3. As someone who has been there, if you cannot "make" yourself be the person you want to be... Happier or whatever, here is what worked for me: have a couple close friends, if possible who allow you to speak honestly while they love you and try to understand you. Don't be afraid to go on anti-depressants, they can make your life so much better, know that regular exercise.... Even just walking 30minutes five days a week can do ALMOST as much as medication; medication works best when you combine it with exercise. Hang in there. Life is hard, losing your Mom is tragic and we all need help sometimes.


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