It's almost that time again. The time when I wipe tears from my eyes because I find myself thinking about her.
Almost time to try to forget the horrific images I have ingrained in my memory of the day the accident happened.
Time when I reflect on all the good memories I have of her. All the funny memories.
Like the time when we were driving down a busy street and she took the turn a little too fast and her car door flew open which resulted in her purse flying out of the car and plopped onto the middle of the intersection with all her loose change and dollar bills blowing into all the other oncoming vehicles. She just kept screaming, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what do I do?" All the while her car door was still wide open and she continued to drive down the road. I screamed back, "Shut your door and pull over!". Then I had to run into the street to get her purse and gather up all of her personal belongings, shoving them back inside her purse as I tried to dodge vehicles who wouldn't stop for me to accomplish this task.
It does bring a smile to my face now, just thinking of her and her clumsy things she would do.
Who is she, you ask?
My beautiful, wonderful, caring , loving Mom.
She was killed in a car accident on April 6, 1996. I saw her die. Right before my eyes, I swear I saw her spirit leave her body.
That day was the most traumatic day of my life. However, it was also one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I was the last person that she ever saw before she entered into the afterlife. I was the last voice she ever heard. I knew in my heart of hearts that she was gone, killed instantly. The last words I said to her were, "Mom, it's ok. I'm ok, it's ok." Those were the only words that I could manage to say. I have heard that when a person dies, the last thing to go is their hearing. I wanted my Mom to know that I was ok. I wasn't injured. She could go in peace knowing that her daughter was safe and alive.
A few short days after her death, I had a strange kind of peace about her untimely death. I thought to myself how special it was for me to be with her during her death. She brought me into this world and I was able to be with her when she left this world.
April 6. It's only a few short weeks away. During the early years of her death, usually around 2 weeks before the Anniversary date I would start getting anxious. My Husband will tell you that I was not a person he would want to be near. I would have crying fits, my temper would sometimes become volatile, I would be in a deep state of depression. It was just an awful 2 weeks for me and for anyone else around me.
It wasn't until my Daughter was born that I was able to view the Anniversary in a different way. You see, my Daughter was born in April. She was born on April 26. My life had come full circle for me the day she was born. Instead of dreading the month of April, I now had a reason to celebrate. I celebrate my Daughter's birth, I celebrate the fact that I am a Mom..... of 3! I celebrate that I'm alive and I was able to give life!
I now understand how much my Mom loved me. It is truly a blessing to be a Mom. For me, it's an even more special blessing to be a Mom of a Daughter.
Don't get me wrong, April 6th is still an emotionally difficult day for me, but I try to make the best of it. I choose to remember how she lived life and not how she died.
So yes, it's almost time.
Time to live, time to love, time to laugh. It's time.